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Lea’s Note: This is a guest post in a mini series about relationships by relationship expert, Jackie Walker. To find out more about Jackie, check out her byline below.
Independent. Take a wee moment before you read any more of this article. Let the word independent sink in…
What does it mean to you, what do you hear, how does it make you feel?
Now do the same with the words “location independent”. Each of us as individuals have unconscious and undeniable experiences which we associate with words; they are the tools with which we express ourselves.
One very simple little word can be loaded with emotion and create feelings of joy or fear, of pain or pleasure. As each of us have had different lives and experiences there is no right or wrong way to translate the emotions which are raised by simple words.
Keep asking questions…
In relationships we very often assume that our partner knows what we think and believe, and to a greater or lesser extent, they often know us better than we do.
As a result, there can be times when we stop asking questions of one another because we rest on our laurels in the mistaken belief that as we know so much, we therefore know it all.
We very rarely know enough about ourselves, let alone our partner, without being curious and asking questions of one another. When it comes to making life-changing decisions, such as becoming location independent, asking questions becomes even more important.
Listen to the answers…
Questions are only part of the equation. Listening to the answer, being alert to clues, looking at your partner, sensing their pain or pleasure (big or small) … All these add to the listening experience to help you understand when or what they are saying, meaning and quite possibly avoiding.
To listen at this level requires your undivided attention. When you ask a question, you must then be quiet. You want to listen to the answer before you start formulating your next question. Try it – you probably do this more than you think without even realising.
You will start to notice what words are triggering emotional responses and you might even start to consider what a word means to your partner before you launch into asking your questions.
Choose the right words…
If you find the words “location independent” exhilarating, free-ing, opportunistic, peaceful – that’s fantastic.
But before you ambush your partner with your desire to quit your jobs, get rid of all your possessions and head off to destinations unknown, you would be wise to remember that they might have a very different semantic attached to the words. They might find the words and the concept frightening, lacking in security, irresponsible and threatening.
One simple way to overcome a language barrier is to be aware that a different word would immediately create a different response.
If you have a strong reaction or response to a word, you might want to consider “why?”. What else is calling your attention? Have you noticed that some people love folk with the name ‘Lea’ for example, and others who really find it difficult to get on with anyone called ‘Jean’? (apologies to any Jeans by the way, it’s not personal!).
All of us have an inbuilt “vocabulary memory”. We easily attach feelings and emotions to certain words and these can rear up their heads time and time again in response to those words. Fortunately, there is a very easy way to erase negative vocabulary memories so that you can happily use the whole dictionary! If you would like help in this regard, get in touch!
So – before you go full steam ahead telling your partner about how you can’t wait to become location independent, work from anywhere and live a minimalist existence, start asking questions by using the right words.
About The Author: Jackie Walker has spent the last 5 years working with relationship and communication issues. Her work focuses on conflict resolution – internal or external – and finds that helping people clear their own issues allows them to relate and communicate with less stress and fear. She is a regular contributor to off and online publications.
SPECIAL COMMUNITY OFFER: To help any location independent community members who might be having issues making joint decisions or keeping their relationship strong, Jackie is offering a one off session of an hour by Skype for £50 or 3 sessions for £120. For more information, please contact Jackie on contactjackiewalker@gmail.com.
