How To Live An Unconventional Lifestyle When You Still Want To Fit In And Not Stand Out From The Crowd

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I have never really thought of myself as unconventional, a contrarian nor a non-conformist type – and whilst I am certainly not a wallflower, I hate being the centre of attention (unless in a very small group of people I know very well) and I hate standing out from or in front of the crowd.

And yet if I look back over some of the decisions I’ve made in my life and some of my (admittedly quite contrarian now that I think about it) views, a clear pattern emerges…

At high school, I chose to study German rather than French as the main 2nd language – mainly because everyone else chose French. At university, I chose to work for my year overseas instead of doing a university exchange – mainly because everyone else chose the university exchange programs (plus I thought a year of work experience would look far better on the CV than a year spent drinking beer at a German university).

And about having kids…I have a theory that many couples have kids because it’s the next natural thing on the list to do…go to university (check), get a good job (check), get married (check), buy a house (check), have first child (check) etc. etc.

Having recognised the pattern – and got halfway down it myself one of the reasons becoming pregnant was such a shock to us, was the conscious decision we’d made about not having our own children, simply because it’s what everyone else does at our stage in life (that plus we didn’t think it was right for us at the time – obviously, we’re adjusting that assumption now!).

Besides, being adopted I’ve always thought I’d adopt too but now that our original plan has gone a bit wrong I can already feel myself leaning towards the non-conformist, more unconventional (in the sense that they’re not the mainstream) methods of raising and educating a child.

But I have still always wanted to fit in – and certainly never wanted to stand out from the crowd too much. I’m far too shy for that.

Yet here I am now living the most unconventional of lifestyles, writing on a blog for a few thousand people and most definitely not fitting in with the majority of my family and friends.

Living an unconventional, non-conformist kind of lifestyle* requires courage, tenacity and faith – and from a practical standpoint, a whole raft of tactics to help you stay true to your course without alienating yourself from the rest of the world or those nearest & dearest to you.

*This doesn’t have to be anything as extreme as being location independent, in many cases it can simply mean doing something different to what the majority of people around you do – like running your own business, home-schooling your kids or choosing to eat only organic food.

Here are 4 of my favourite tactics:

Understand why you don’t fit in

Our decision to become location independent was the most logical sane answer for us and our situation at the time – everyone else thought we were crazy. Of course the reasons they thought this were because:

  1. No-one else they knew had done it nor was doing it
  2. They couldn’t imagine themselves doing it nor wanting to
  3. They didn’t know how it could be done even if they wanted to

People will come up with all sorts of reasons why not to do what you’re planning to do – the trick to dealing with them is to understand where they’re coming from. Point #2 is probably the most common – most people poo-poo things they just couldn’t imagine doing themselves whether it’s right for you or not.

When you’re with them, live in their world

If you do live a non-conformist lifestyle, you’ll no doubt be familiar with the phenomenon that is the blissful ignorance and disinterest in your lifestyle from some of those around you.

I am pretty sure that many of my friends and some of our family still don’t have a clue what business we run, how we earn an income and what our lifestyle is really like – and nor do they seem too interested to find out.

At the same time, they expect you to be interested in what’s going on with X, Y and Z in their lives and are quite happy to rattle on for hours on end about it.

Whilst it can be frustrating at times, if you’d rather not rock the boat and stand out from the crowd – this really does work in your favour and can be far more preferable to the negative comments, questions and vibes that come your way if you do happen to talk more about your unconventional lifestyle.

Surround yourself with people more like you

There’s only one way to feel more like you fit in and don’t stand out even when you do…and that’s to surround yourself with more people who do what you do.

Fortunately, whilst there still aren’t loads of people who live our nomadic kind of lifestyle, we share a very similar mentality to the thousands (millions?) of online entrepeneurs and small business owners out there – who not only “get” what we do and why we do it, many of them want to do it too.

Build up a portfolio of case studies & examples

When we first started our nomadic, work from anywhere lifestyle, there weren’t too many others doing it – or at least doing it and blogging about it. That made it quite hard to convince friends and family that it could be done and was already being done successfully.

Thankfully that’s now changed for the location independent lifestyle and there are a number of people not only living a similar lifestyle to us but blogging about it too.

Personally, I’ve been busily building up my portfolio of case studies and examples of people who travel frequently/permanently with babies and children – although all our family seem pretty ok so far with the fact that we will be taking off again once the mini-me is born (let’s just see what happens once she’s here though!).

Living an unconventional, non-conformist lifestyle does not have to mean fighting against the mainstream mob all of the time – nor does it have to mean standing out from the crowd and not fitting in. Or does it? What do you think?

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9 Responses to How To Live An Unconventional Lifestyle When You Still Want To Fit In And Not Stand Out From The Crowd
  1. amypalko
    March 23, 2009 | 6:54 pm

    Feel like you’re singing my song, Lea! I’ve always gone my own way and I’m very conscious about raising my children to have the courage to follow their own way too. When we decided to home-educate our kids, we did face a certain amount of opposition. My response was to arm myself in much the same way as you recommend here: I found people nearby who were home-educating, I bought books on the subject and I gently but firmly asserted that this was the way we were going to go.
    Without a doubt it was one of the best decisions we’ve made so far as parents, and those that opposed us to begin with are now among our most ardent supporters. I think sometimes it takes courage to swim against the tide, but in my experience it’s almost always worth it.
    Amy
    xx

  2. Leigh
    March 23, 2009 | 7:57 pm

    Great post Lea. I can definitely relate as I always seem to be doing something outside the ‘normal’ realm but I couldn’t do it any other way and remain true to my nature!

    And you’re right, others tend to not remain interested in something their minds can’t quite grasp. That’s o.k. though, because luckily, I have a select few who will listen to my crazy ideas and say ‘go for it’. It’s so encouraging to have some kind of support when embarking on this unique lifestyle.

  3. Joanna Young
    March 23, 2009 | 8:10 pm

    Lea, this post made me smile so much – I recognise a lot of myself in it, not least the choice of languages at school!

    No wonder I like following your work… I think we’re on a similar wavelength

  4. flowers
    March 24, 2009 | 12:06 am

    I could have written this post. I am so under the radar unconventional. People always know there is “something” different about us but we play the game so well it’s hard to put your finger on it. We do the whole, learn the rules so you know exactly which ones you want to break ;-)

  5. Tina Gibbons
    March 25, 2009 | 1:52 am

    Hi Lea… I smiled my way through that post too. Just the other day I was taking some kind of “quiz” on facebook (needed a break from writing), and one of the questions asked what was more important – freedom, individuality and a range of other things… I had to think long and hard – but I realised that although I hadn’t thought of myself as unconventional either – being individual was a major factor in nearly all of my major decisions. And living a “normal” life scares the pants off me :-)

    Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts and insights.

  6. Didier
    March 25, 2009 | 4:15 am

    Wow! Great post, Lea. I am in the exact situation you describe…the lack of interest in my lifestyle from some of those around me. I had expected the opposite. Your advice “when you’re with them, live in their world” sounds good, but the reason I chose an alternative lifestyle is precisely because I did not want to live in their world. So maybe both parties can make an effort in reaching out to each other and finding some common ground. And you’re so right, it is important to surround ourselves with people who share the same vision. Keep those great posts coming!

  7. astrorainfall
    March 30, 2009 | 1:37 pm

    Well done, Lea, I’m so glad you talked about being unconventional and how to deal with it. It’s so true (and ironic) that perhaps the closest friends and family could be the least interested or supportive of “individual” choices.

    Having said that, I think it’s tiring to “fight” against the mainstream mob and you could end up feeling quite alienated and emotionally drained.

    If I sense the person I’m talking to would oppose my choices quite loudly, I would choose to give more mainstream opinions or vague comments. I used to defend my choices strongly but it felt like I was fighting battles all the time. But at the end of the day, I know who I am and I’m happy with my direction in life.

  8. Soultravelers3
    April 5, 2009 | 12:13 am

    Lovely post, Lea and I finally have a moment to get over here. Thanks for mentioning our @soultravelers3 world traveling family!

    I have always been different and come from a long line of iconoclasts that seem to follow their own drum, so I have never followed a “normal” route really.

    Yet, I have always been popular ( like in school long ago) and find it easy to make friends where ever we are, so I have not found “fitting in ” a problem.

    I am not shy ( I am an outgoing introvert who is usually mistaken for an extrovert)so I not only don’t care that I stand out, I kind of relish it! LOL!

    Perhaps it runs, in the family, as my child just told me, she likes being the only long haired blond child in her class. ;)

    I think the older I get, the less I care. “To thine own self be true” is a motto that serves us all well.

    I was encouraged to follow my own drum and I encourage it in my child as I think we need that today, more than ever. It is so easy to get lost in “group-think” but a community is strongest by supporting the innovative thinkers.

    I think one can follow their own hearts/bliss/wisdom ( even if it is in a style different than the average joe) and still be connected to everyone by just looking to what you have in common.

    It is true that people who live in a “different world” will not understand your world,so you connect by your common ground.

    It is funny, but some of the people who thought we were the craziest when we said we were going to do this back in 2004, now think we are geniuses! LOL!

    The most important thing is to just trust your inner wisdom and it is good to have that “portfolio of case studies” to help one recognize what one is morphing into and how it might work.

    It is good for others, but also important for the budding new self, especially when one is on the cutting edge.

    We took pieces from LOTS of diverse & different places to try and get a sense on how we could do this with the most ease, equilibrium and benefit.

    Glad you will be soon joining us on the location independent traveling family front! We waited until 5 (although we had bits of it from babyhood), so you will be pioneering a new model!

  9. Lea Woodward
    April 15, 2009 | 8:29 am

    Hi all – apologies for the long delay in replying…too much to do, too little time to do it before the madam arrives :)

    @amypalko – you’re at the top of my list already as one of my models for the home-schooling parent!

    @Leigh – I think most of the time it’s fear that makes people disinterested. Being faced with anything different, forces people to take a look at their own lives and many often don’t like what they see but are too afraid to change anything.

    @Joanna Young – too funny about the languages at school thing!! Which one did you go for?

    @flowers – “playing the game” is a very appropriate term to use. It’s one I used to use about being in the corporate world all the time but never thought about it in this sense…you’re right though, learning how to play the “normal” game is what keeps the peace!

    @Tina Gibbons – living a “normal” life has always scared the pants off me too…which includes having kids – something I’ve always seen as the “normal” thing to do which is poss why I’ve been so averse to it. Of course that’s all now changed ;)

    @Didier – I honestly think with some people (and often those you want to share it with the most – friends/family etc.) you will never find common ground, especially if your lifestyle is 100% different to theirs. You’ll find that you can relate to them but there is absolutely no way they can relate to you (and why should they if they’ve never had half the experiences you’ve had?). That’s ok though because there are plenty of people to whom you can relate – you just need to find them!

    @astrorainfall – it is definitely tiring to fight against mainstream thought all the time and we do a similar thing to you much of the time, and just end up being vague or changing the subject if someone has a different world view. Sometimes though, if I feel like a good “debate”, it’s interesting to see how people cope when their mainstream views are challenged :)

    @Soultravelers3 – the being connected part is an interesting one. It’s not that I feel we don’t connect with friends and family who don’t “get” what we do, it’s more that sometimes you wish you could have a deeper connection, especially as the kind of lifestyle you live is often fundamental to who you are. Having just replied to all these comments in one go, I’ve just realised that for many of us, it’s probably that we’d love a deeper connection with some of the people in our lives but due to the differences in lifestyles/world views etc. it’s quite a challenge.

    Anyway, thanks everyone for the good thoughts :)

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